How To Write Compelling Plenty of Fish Messages

Recently, I joined an online dating site called Plenty Of Fish, and quickly realized that I should have worked out and ate right for a year before joining the site.

Challenge: Get girls to respond to my messages.

Solution: Take the time to craft personalized, sincere messages that say, ‘I’m interested in more than just getting a whiff.’ However, even with a concerted effort, the responses haven’t been as bountiful as I would’ve hoped.

I thought I’d share a few of the messages that I’ve sent in case you guys are able to give me some pointers. Note: These are actual messages that I’ve sent to women…I’m so super serial…

Update: If you’d like me to craft a personalized message for a girl/guy you’re trying to court online, send me a link to their profile via the comments section and I’ll do my best!

Background: She indicated she was an engineer. Hi there, My name’s Mike. That’s cool that you’re an engineer! Sometimes I’m amazed at bridges…I mean, they are supporting multiple vehicles all day long…we should really have a National Bridge Day, or maybe National Engineer day would be better. National Bridge Day would mean Starbucks would be full of 65-year old women wearing white, thin, doily blouses, eating coffee crisp, swapping the daily gossip. Talk soon 🙂 MJ

Background: She posted a video featuring one of those dancing flash mobs. Hi there, My name’s Mike. I’ve never understood flash mobs. I mean, when there’s a flash fire, it happens very quickly, with very little planning. Flash mobs, on the other hand, appear to my naked eye, immaculately planned and organized. But perhaps they are channelling the mafia version of the mob rather than the riot version. In that spirit, I believe, ‘flash organized mafia dancers following choreography’ might be a more apt title. But flash mob rolls off the tongue a lot better, I guess… Talk soon 🙂 MJ

Profile Pictures on POF

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Background: She indicated she was a TV Commercial Coordinator Hey there, My name’s Mike. Is that for real that you’re a TV Commercial Coordinator? That’s cool…depending on what you’re coordinating. Like, if you’re the casting director for a commercial, I can imagine it’d be maddening, especially if you have to pick people that are amazed at shamwow’s… ‘Please, a little more excitement….no, excitement with your face, not your arms…next…’ Talk soon 🙂 MJ

Background: She said she was a country girl. Hi, I’m a country guy, too. Ok well maybe not. I like the country because it’s dark and I can see the stars. Ok I’ll admit: I’m more of an astronomy guy. Close enough? MJ

Women Don’t Want to Date

Background: She said she believed that there was someone out there for all of us. Hi, I’m not so sure that there’s only one person meant for us. If we’re compatible now, but who we are fundamentally changes, it would make sense that we’d go our separate ways. Probably the worst POF message ever. I mentioned breaking up after saying, ‘hi.’ MJ

PS – At the time of writing this, I did believe that when people changed, that meant that they should separate – I’ve changed my mind about this. I think that even when a couple changes, they can make it work because what they do doesn’t make them who they are. That said, they should probably be on the same page with regards to kids. If one person wants kids and the other one doesn’t, I can imagine how that would work. Furthermore…”That is, we understand that we are entities passing through a life in which the entire life drama is a curriculum for our awakening. We see that the life experience is a vehicle for coming to God, for becoming conscious, for becoming liberated. And we understand that ultimately that’s what we’re doing here.” – Ram Dass, Grist for the Mill

Background: She mentioned that she likes a guy that plays instruments. Hi, I remember my friend Mark and I were the best recorder players in grade 3, and Mrs. Euhlarek had us play Good King Wenceslas for Mrs. Vodden, the Secretary. Her reaction escapes me, and we may or may not have been interrupted by a phone call. MJ

Background: She said she loves to draw. Hi, You sketch? I’m not that good at it. I paid my friend’s little brother $2 to do my sketchbook in grade seven. The teacher gave me 50%. Turns out that a brown guy with a sketchbook full of anime isn’t as believable as I thought it might be… MJ

Background: She indicated she was a singer (songstress?) Hi there, My name’s Mike. You sing?! That’s awesome. I’ve played instruments all my life, but after puberty found it tough to sing to r&b, you know? Not you know as in you’ve experienced it, because I think it’s only guys voices that crack, but you have an idea of what I mean when I say Boys II Men were no longer accessible sing-a-long songs… Talk soon 🙂 MJ

Background: She didn’t write much on the profile, but I noticed something in the background in one of her pictures. Hi there, Thought I’d say hi. Nothing much to go on, so I’ll compliment you on your smile, hair, and mandatory hutch in the living room 😉 Talk soon 🙂 MJ

Background: She indicated that she liked eating cookies in bed. Hi there, My name’s Mike. That’s odd…there’s nowhere on your profile that indicates hot yoga, travelling, reading, ambition, and the other things that I thought every girl does nowadays. You know…soft & chewy chips ahoy used to be better…I don’t know what they did with the formula, but there’s a weird aftertaste to it now…I got a red underline spelling mistake indicator for aftertaste, but decompounding the word into, ‘after taste’ sounds like an instruction rather than a description… Ok so I think that kind sums me up. Talk soon? MJ

Background: She said that her profession was Karate Hockey. LMAO karate hockey – I think there was a guy in the teenage mutant ninja turtles who founded that style…Casey Jones was his name, and he called the style Hockey-do (way of the white man). Great was he. MJ

Background: She indicated that she was skeptical (she spelled it, ‘sceptical’) about online dating. Hi there, My name’s Mike. I guess you have a good reason to be skeptical about online dating…there are a lot of weirdos out there, which is exactly something a weirdo would say to gain your trust, but I figured I’d state the elephant in the text box just so it’s out in the open. Sorry, MJ

I met a guy that told me that, according to Tony Robbins, I’m a state changer. Thanks, Daanish!

Michael Jagdeo