Cowardice

Last night, I drove out to an open mic approximately 40 minutes from my home. I was excited because I felt that I had written something that was finally going to allow me to be myself on stage. Finally!

But as I watched comic after comic go up, I thought about my material and said to myself, ‘I don’t think it’s going to work.’ And because they were doing well with many short jokes over the span of five minutes, I figured that the audience wouldn’t like my style.

Blah blah blah doing something different would’ve made me stand out…that’s all 20/20 hindsight. The thought never entered my mind. It’s a horrible feeling when you’re sitting there thinking, ‘This is going to be rough.’

When it got closer to my time to go up, I felt worse and worse. I started second-guessing how I was going to start my first joke and began to reword the first sentence in my head over and over and over again. No permutation seemed to do the trick.

Right before it was my time to go up, I found out that the show was full. I pretended to be disappointed. In truth, I’m happy that there wasn’t a spot for me.

Jagdeo

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About Michael Jagdeo

My name's Michael Jagdeo, and I refuse to write about myself in the third person. I'm a Comedian from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. In addition to honing my stand-up comedy act, I maintain this blog and write the weekly comedy article for blogTO.com.
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4 Responses to Cowardice

  1. ilovedookie says:

    Those are the times you grow the most. I been doing this a while and last night was rough. The comic before was killing with jokes about putting a used dildo in HIS mouth. I did MY jokes, got a few laughs, but clearly not my usual amount (I’m arrogant). It’s nights like those I learn the most – not the ones I’m ripping on stage.

    • Hey Ayanna,

      *Sigh* Yeah, you’re right. I talked to Quinn today (he DESTROYED last night to the point where other comics were going to up to him and saying that they were inspired by seeing his set).

      When I told him how I felt, he laughed and said,

      I know all about that, dog…oh, the show is full? Uh, oh, ok…

      I realized that I’m not taking enough time to work through my stuff at home before taking it on stage. In addition, I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that as I endeavour to reveal myself on stage, there are going to be many times where I feel out of sync with the other comics.

      Jagdeo

  2. Carlos says:

    Hey man,

    Sorry to hear about the nerves and how you didn’t get to go on. I’m sure once you took the mic you’d have settled into a groove.

    You got fans, man! you’re doing great.

    • Hey Carlos,

      Thanks for the kind words! It really means a lot.

      The experience reminded me of something Larry David said during an interview/chat with Ricky Gervais (8:28):

      Imagine…a guy that once walked off the stage after surveying the crowd turning into the man that could do this:

      There is yet hope for us all. :)

      Jagdeo

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