Diary of a Toronto Stand-Up Comedian

How I Prepared For My Performance At The Hard Rock Cafe

Michael Jagdeo — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 15:05:04 +0000

What Goes Into A Great Set?

After doing a set for RogersTV’s Toronto’s Talent, Quinn C. Martin (the show’s host) put me on his show, ‘Two and a Half Quinn‘ at the Hard Rock Cafe.

Big tings a gwaan 2012.

What Set Am I Going To Do?

My initial reaction was to perfect the bits that did well for RogersTV, which were:

Manboobs

White People Love Cottages

Why Are White Girls are Angry?

However, from a marketing perspective, I wanted to do something different. Why?

Developing a Video Press Kit

The way I look at it, if I’m going to do a major venue, I want to use new material. I mean, does it help to do the same material and get laughs? Sure.

That said, I want to be able to show that I’m building a repertoire of material that can do well in any situation. I also want a professional catalogue of videos that I can use in an online press kit, with the logos of Yuk Yuk’s, Absolute Comedy, Hard Rock Cafe, and so on in the background.

Honing the Kim Kardashian Bit

Practically speaking, here’s how the bit I used at the Hard Rock Cafe evolved:

Developed the premise of Why We Love Celebrities.

Saw boycottkim.com and – from a business perspective – realized that I admired her rise to fame.

Penned the idea.

‘Tested’ the idea by dropping it into a conversation with friends. That got laughs and a few that’s true’s, so I knew that the premise was sound.

Tried it at Blair E. Streeter’s Comedy Show at Naughty Nadz and bombed. I was really pissed on the way home and even considered quitting the open mic scene. However, the next morning, I pulled up my panties and restructured the bit in order to get to the funny 10x quicker. Bombing was an integral part of crafting this bit.

Tried the new bit at Neil Griffin’s Comedy Show at TA’s Bar & Grill and got laughs consistently throughout entire bit.

Revised the bit a final time. On the day of the rehearsal I realized that, in conjunction with the manboobs intro from the top, I’d have a a five-minute set.

But that wasn’t the only way that I prepared.

Insights from Meditation

Those of you that have been reading the blog know that I’ve recently started exercising and meditating everyday. I’ve gotten so many insights about myself that I’ve literally gotten addicted to the practice.

Meditation is the process through which I create everything I want in my life. If you want to know what the hell I’m talking about, read Dr. Robert Anthony’s Beyond Positive Thinking.

Rehearsing at Home

On the day of the performance, I locked myself in my room and went through 10 iterations of:

Rehearsing the bit.

Listening to the recording.

Making notes about how I wanted to deliver lines.

Played Mark Morrison’s, ‘Return Of the Mack’ on steel pan to break up the monotony.

Throughout the process, I imagined how the crowd would respond and committed myself to delivering both the lines and stage directions (physical to go with the lines) on point.

The Power of Visualization

I took public transit down to the venue, and that gave me the opportunity to visualize my set. I’ve heard that many golfers use visualization techniques to imagine how they are going to swing and picture where the ball will land before they take a shot.

They call my name. I walk up to the mic. I say, ‘Keep it going for Dave Brennan’ while I get the mic stand outta the freakin’ way as soon as possible. I deliver my improv. I deliver the set. I get huge laughs as I end the set and ask the host to come back.

That sequence played in my head like a movie on the way down. At times my ego was like, ‘Are you sure they’re going to laugh? You’ve only practised this twice in front of an audience.’

But something triggered a matter-of-fact response that said, ‘WHAT?! That bit is GOLD!’

My stop.

Entrance

Me on Stage...why am I holding the mic like that?!

Luckily, we got there half an hour early, and that gave me the opportunity to take the stage while the place was still empty.

If at all possible, I love to get very familiar with the stage, the mic, the lighting, the seating…everything. I don’t want any surprises when the cameras are rolling.

I also got a chance to meet the other performers (Calwyn Shurgold, Dave Brennan, and Michael James Samuels).

Getting The Juices Flowing

One of these things is not like the other...

Michael James Samuels and I hit it off right away because we had the same passion for R&B and reggae music. I knew that I had rehearsed enough beforehand and so I didn’t feel the need to crawl into a corner and go over my lines, which is what I usually do.

My major goal at that point was to get as comfortable as possible. Joking around with Michael and Tanika Charles (a songstress who was also in attendance) really helped me unwind and keep the creative and humour juices flowing.

Moments before I Step On Stage

I was to be the first act after the host warmed up the audience.

I took a seat on to the left of the stage away from the crowd, propped up my iPhone, and listened intently so I could craft some improv to open up my set. Once I came up with the improv line, I rehearsed it a few times so that I could get the wording just right.

My name was called.

I went blank.

I’ll have the entire video up when I get it from Quinn.

Michael Jagdeo

People that tweet too much – Part 1

Michael Jagdeo — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 06:44:12 +0000

At 1:32AM, I had this idea that I’ve been talking to a number of people about, namely Quinn C. Martin and Brian Coughlin, regarding the misuse of Facebook and Twitter by, well, stupid people. I thought I might give you some insight about how a bit congeals from stream of consciousness -> polished bit ready for public consumption. Here we go.

People that Tweet Too Goddamn Much – Feb 21 1:32AM

once came across this girl that had 30k tweets

unless you’re cnn, there’s a problem here

see the problem with twitter is that it was meant for important people to say shit

problem is, now everyone has access

everyone has the ability to broadcast messages

problem with that? not everyone was meant to be heard

not everyone has something to say

so what happens? people that didn’t have something to say just say it because they want to feel important

we all want to be heard

these people tweeting 5x an hour

unless you’re odysseus on a quest to get home and you’re fucking bitches and navigating scylla and chaybdis bitch you ain’t got shit to say

it’s always things like:

getting this paper

gotta clean my room

smh chris brown

what’s up with this fool?

….

getting this paper

gotta clean my room

these are the people that are shutting down twitter.

between you and me, I think we should cap the number of messages you can post on fb to 2 per day

that way people would spend less time pretending that they’re getting money and ACTUALLY GET MONEY

if you’re on your grind you don’t have that much time to tweet about it

I’ll continue to update this page as I develop the idea more and more.

Whaddaya think? Is there a bit here?

High Cost of Higher Education

Michael Jagdeo — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 00:01:49 +0000

This continues a series of theses that I want to convert into stand-up comedy routines….

Tuition Fees: It’s not Always the School’s fault

The other day, I saw a video of a guy complaining that tuition fees were too high. Who here thinks they’re too high? And it sucks because I think we should all be able to get a certain amount of education without incurring a small mortgage, you know?

HOWEVER, this guy was complaining that he was $70,000.00 in debt. He was complaining that it would cost him $900.00 per month to start paying back the loan.

No offense bub, but after about $30,000.00, that shit’s your fault.

You can’t complain to Visa after you’ve eaten the Big Mac that the Big Mac wasn’t worth it. You owe them the money. You knew how much it was going to cost when you got there…it’s on the fucking menu.

Is there an argument to have tuition fees reduced?? Absolutely. But at a certain point, you have to pull up your panties and decide if you have the stomach for the leverage you’re engaging in.

Michael Jagdeo

Is Jay-Z In the Illuminati?

Michael Jagdeo — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 05:57:38 +0000

Comedy With A Point

I’ve been talking a lot about wanting to have a message in my comedy. I don’t want to just get a laugh. I want audiences to remember my arguments as well.

Recently, I was able to take my thesis on why we love celebrities and parlay that mental exercise into a bit about Kim Kardashian.

I think I’ve found two topics that I’m also very passionate about but haven’t figured out a way to delivery comedically. I thought I might put these topics on paper and let my mind marinate on them.

Black Artists and the Illuminati

It seems that everywhere we go, people are saying that Jay Z and Kanye West and Nicki Minaj and Rihanna and Cee-Lo and Bee-Lo and Bolo Bolo Kuchna Bolo are part of the Illuminati. They are saying that their entrance into the Illuminati is what helped them skyrocket their careers.

They point to the symbols they wear on their chest. They point to the sybolism used in their videos. They point to their handshakes and the way they walk and the way they rip the plastic bags from the roll at No Frills.

Illuminati Allegations Are Bullshit

Are the muppets part of the Illuminati? See the triangle symbol??

It’s disgusting. By simply uttering the words, ‘He sold out’ people are invalidating Jay-Z’s library of platinum singles and records. You’re ignoring the blood, sweat, and tears these artists put in to carve out a niche for themselves.

Why Are People So Eager To Hate Them?

Why do people do it? Because they’re unsuccessful. Thus far, they’ve failed in life, but they don’t want to feel like failures. So what do they do?

They rationalize. They convince themselves that they are special and talented – not bland and talentless – by saying the only reason that someone else is successful because they sold out.

How else would they be able to live with themselves?

Michael Jagdeo
Follow @Jagdeocomedy

Comedian Applies Lessons From Gilson Lubin and Quinn C. Martin

Michael Jagdeo — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 22:17:52 +0000

It’s been a long time since I last posted…and there’s a reason for that. All will be revealed…TV cough Show cough…

How To Handle A Tough Crowd?

Let me put it to you this way: the comedy show that I ended up headlining was at a bar where the audience members were more interested in the the second game on Hockey Night In Canada than in comedy.

How could I possibly have a great set? I wasn’t completely sure until 10 seconds before I went on…

Giving Up

That’s the picture I set as my iPhone background before I left home that night.

Before the show started, I accepted the fact that – NO MATTER WHAT – I was going to enjoy myself and execute my set the way I wanted to. I was willing to give up anything that hindered my desire (Dr. Robert Anthony).

Engaging An Audience – Gilson Lubin

One night after I bombed, Gilson Lubin pulled me aside and said:

You have to give the audience a reason to listen.

Before the show started, I was nervous because I realized that it was noisy and that I would have to do something to engage the crowd.

Since the place was called Stone Cottage, and because the place was packed with the Caucazoids tribe, I knew I wanted to start with my White People Love Cottages bit.

But I knew that I needed more. I needed something that would grab their attention…

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How I engaged the Audience

There I am, in the middle of the room, people talking loudly all around me. Off to the side, an SLR camera was recording the entire show.

So with the mic in my hand, music descrescendoing, I walked right up to the camera, ignoring the 50+ people in the room, and sarcastically explained:

It worked. I got a candid audience of 10-15 people that listened to the rest of the set, and that was good enough for me.

Giving Them Permission to Laugh – Quinn C. Martin

Quinn C. Martin schooled me one day when I was complaining that a funny joke of mine wasn’t hitting:

It’s just as important to understand why people DON’T laugh as it is to understand why they do. Sometimes you have to let them know it’s ok to laugh at something edgy.

I have a joke that talks about overweight white women loving black guys:

Attractive white women can get any white guy they want, any Chinese guy they want…heck, with 40 extra pounds they an get any black guy they want.

Now, I think that’s both funny and true, at least where I’m from. However, I wasn’t getting laughs from it.

So, following Quinn’s advice, I added two tags after it to let them know it was ok to laugh:

Cut the shit. I know you guys know what I’m talking about. Am I the only guy that sees overweight white women surrounding a black guy in a bar like a reverse Oreo Cookie? (laughs) It’s like their dicks have their own gravitational field, and when these fat white women get too close – whoops! – caught in the gravity like a moon around Jupiter.

That got laughs. Why? Because I let them know through the additional content (tags) that it was OK to laugh.

Moving Forward

The great thing about Saturday night was that, for the first time, I was. That’s not a typo.

What I mean by that is that I was in the moment. I was present. I recognized that there was life in every breath.

Buddhism, homies…Buddhism.

Michael Jagdeo

Toronto Comedian Becomes Stronger By Bombing at Naughty Nadz

Michael Jagdeo — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 23:40:15 +0000

Recently, I’ve been working on a Kim Kardashian bit. Last night, I had my chance to try it out.

Toronto Comedian Becomes Stronger By Bombing at Naughty Nadz

I went to Blair Streeter‘s Naughty Nadz Open Mic Comedy Show last night; I bombed. Well, I didn’t totally bomb, but it didn’t go as well as I planned.

It sucks because I was ready to go, man. I had the funniest bit ever about Kim Kardashian…and it fell flat. Fuz.

But I have an even better bit now because of it.

The Benefits Of Bombing On Stage

The thing we all hate about open mics is that you’re often in front of comedians. Like, a lot of comedians. And comedians don’t laugh nearly as much as regular audiences do.

However, that doesn’t mean they’re not extremely useful. All it means is that you have to look a bit deeper for the feedback. A chuckle usually indicates that you’re onto something.

Reviewing My Recorded Set

As pissed as I was on the subway (it took me one and a half hours to get back home), I woke up today with a plan: I was going to listen to the recording to find out:

What hit

What missed

Why people laughed

The last bullet point is different from the other two. Quinn C. Martin told me that understanding why people laugh allows you to slowly unlock the secret to success. The commenters on this blog have found that the element of self-deprecating humor works well for me. Personally, I’ve found that imagination (i.e. taking the situation out of reality) and misdirection also produce results.

So take a look at the new, and improved, Kim Kardashian bit. I hope you like it. But if you don’t…that’s cool too.

Kim Kardashian Fucked them…now you want to Boycott her?

Premise:

I was doing a search on Kim Kardashian the other day and I came across a site called BoycottKim.com…I guess they hated her.

Question for you guys…do we like Kim Kardashian? Yes? No? Why? (Element: Audience interaction | Results: Kept audience engage at Naughty Nads)

Punchline:

The major criticism is that’s she’s gotten a lot from doing very little. (Action: delivered matter-of-factly + nod head)

….am I the only one that finds that….IMPRESSIVE!? (Action: stop nodding + turn head | Element: Misdirection)

Tag:

I’ve been trying to do a lot with a little for 28 years…it’s hard…no really it’s hard; that’s the problem! (Action: point to crotch | Results: Hit Naughty Nadz | Element: Misdirection)

How Does Kim Kardashian Get So Much Attention?

Premise:

I have a blog, and for a thousand hits a day, I’d change my religion.

Punchline:

You know she gets a million hits? (Wait for answer) No, for that she’d get 20 million hits. (Element: Audience Interaction)

Let me tell you something: she could drop a cashew nut on the ground and the CASHEW would get a 500K followers on Twitter the very next day.

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Tag:

And if it played it’s card right, It might even get nominated for, ‘Legume of the year.’ Unbelievable.

(If heckled, ‘Cashew is not a legume.’ Listen kumkwat: I’ll show you two legumes after the show.)

Tag:

U of t marketing professors should do a study on her called, ‘Popping Your #$%@#! To Fame and Fortune.’

Kim Kardashian Made Millions from Having Sex ONCE

Premise:

Who’s the guy she had sex with? (Action: Wait for answer)

Some of you guys have it backwards…Kim Kardashian didn’t get fucked by Ray J, she fucked him.

Dude…she made millions from having sex once…ONCE!

Punchline:

There are pornstars that have had sex everyday on camera for the past 15 years that still have to use 2 Can Dine for 6.99 coupons at McDonald’s…she made millions by having sex ONCE, and it wasn’t even in HD.(Results: hit at Naughty Nadz)

What’d Ray J get? That’s right: nobody cares.

Tag:

Some girls get STD’s when they have sex…what’d she get? A media fucking empire. …and I’m pretty sure Ray J doesn’t ejaculate fame and fortune….

well, I’m 99% percent sure he doesn’t…ejaculate..fame…and fortune…

Tag:

Take the number of women in here…….multiply that by the number of dicks they’ve sucked…we’re talking millions!

The closest they got to making millions was the money shot they took in face.

Tag:

I had sex the other day, and all I got was a long sigh of disappointment and a lifetime subscription to, ‘Feeling Inadequate Around Black Guys‘ magazine.’ (THANKS GREG FOR THE INSPIRATION ON THIS ONE!)

Kim Kardashian didn’t get fucked by Ray J. You know what she did? …She (Element: Audience Interaction |audience finishes sentence)

Jay-Z and DMX in an open mic of their own (DMX fan forever),

…and this is where THAT was born:

Michael Jagdeo

Follow @Jagdeocomedy

Comedian Admits To Getting Help With His Material

Michael Jagdeo — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 17:16:09 +0000

Getting Help To Write Jokes

Do you know who Paul Mooney is? You should. He co-wrote Richard Pryor’s stand-up material. He created the character Homey D. Clown for Damon Wayans on In Living Color.

What about Paul Allen? He started Microsoft with Bill Gates. Jobs had Wozniak. The Brain had Pinky.

Admitting that you get help to write material isn’t talked about much on the comedy scene, but it’s a fact of life.

I get ideas all of the time from other people. Sometimes it comes in the form of an argument where I’m trying to position a point of view. Sometimes it comes from watching people go about their daily lives. Sometimes, it comes from other comedians (gasp!).

Getting Help on the Kardashian Bit

Recently, I’ve been developing a bit on why Kim Kardashian isn’t the stupid/evil whore people make her out to be. In the beginning, it was strong argument, but not a stand-up comedy bit. I needed jokes.

I’ve been getting a ton of feedback, mostly people saying I sucked and that my shit was weak. That said, I was able to glean some very strong material from the barney (rubble).

Here are two examples of friends/commenters helping me develop my Kardashian is not a whore bit.

How Many Girls Are In Here?

Part of my argument is that she created a media empire by having sex once, whereas there are pornstars that have had sex for years without making 1/100th of what she has.

My boy TB suggested I start off that argument wth a rhetorical question:
‘How many white girls are in here…now multiply that by how many dicks they’ve sucked…[click play for punchline]‘

God damn that’s hilarious.

Make Fun Of Yourself, Too

Look at how this conversation with Greg reminded me about my success with self-deprecating material, which in turn led to another solid joke (click here for the actual discussion):

Me: How Should I Use [my Kim Kardashian bit]?

Greg: I’ll go with the points and take not funny.

Me: Have you seen the updated post where I included jokes this time around? I realize that the first iteration was more of a rant than a stand-up comedy joke. Check this out and let me know what you think.

Greg: Hey man, I think you have something….you might not have nailed it just yet. The idea that she has become famous from having a sex tape…there is an insight there….it’s not that she has had sex just once. The idea is that she has become famous for no reason. Why not compare something you tried to do to be famous and had it fail. Like…you tried to make a sex tape…and all you got was a bill for $3000 and dick zits. Saw some of your tweets… Ryerson: the Coffee Time of universities was pretty funny.

Me: Read my mind! From the previous posts that I’ve done, the feedback has been that people like my self-deprecating material. How about: Some girls get STD’s when they have sex…what’d she get? A media fucking empire. I had sex on camera the other day, and all I got was a long sigh of disappointment followed by a lifetime supply of low self-esteem and a subscription to ‘Feelings of Inadequacy Around Black Guys’ Magazine.

Greg: hahahah…ya man that’s funny!

Me: SWEET! THANKS GREG!

Moving forward

Today, I’m going to be congealing the ideas that I’ve had into bits that can be worked into five, seven, and ten-minute sets……but I couldn’t have done it without your help.

Bill Gates had Paul Allen. Simon had Garfunkel. The Brain had Pinky….

Soundbwoy! Ah wha dem a deal wit? Dem cyah test di biggest, baddest, bombaclat sound (4:50)…

Disciple of RamJam Rodigan,

Michael Jagdeo

Follow @Jagdeocomedy

Kim Kardashian Didn’t Get Fucked; She Fucked Them

Michael Jagdeo — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 20:38:35 +0000

Yesterday I mused that celebrities attract us because they are the most successful of our species. It’s lead me to write the following bit that is going to be a candidate to enter my seven-minute stand-up comedy set.
UPDATED Feb 7 2012! Since visiting an open mic, I’ve updated this joke (older version can be seen at the end of this post)

Kim Kardashian Fucked them…now you want to Boycott her?

Premise:

I was doing a search on Kim Kardashian the other day and I came across a site called BoycottKim.com…I guess they hated her.

Question for you guys…do we like Kim Kardashian? Yes? No? Why? (Element: Audience interaction | Results: Kept audience engage at Naughty Nads)

Punchline:

The major criticism is that’s she’s gotten a lot from doing very little. (Action: delivered matter-of-factly + nod head)

….am I the only one that finds that….IMPRESSIVE!? (Action: stop nodding + turn head | Element: Misdirection)

Tag:

I’ve been trying to do a lot with a little for 28 years…it’s hard…no really it’s hard; that’s the problem! (Action: point to crotch | Results: Hit Naughty Nadz | Element: Misdirection)

How Does Kim Kardashian Get So Much Attention?

Premise:

I have a blog, and for a thousand hits a day, I’d change my religion.

Punchline:

You know she gets a million hits? (Wait for answer) No, for that she’d get 20 million hits. (Element: Audience Interaction)

Let me tell you something: she could drop a cashew nut on the ground and the CASHEW would get a 500K followers on Twitter the very next day.

Tag:

And if it played it’s card right, It might even get nominated for, ‘Legume of the year.’ Unbelievable.

(If heckled, ‘Cashew is not a legume.’ Listen kumkwat: I’ll show you two legumes after the show.)

Tag:

U of t marketing professors should do a study on her called, ‘Popping Your #$%@#! To Fame and Fortune.’

Kim Kardashian Made Millions from Having Sex ONCE

Premise:

Who’s the guy she had sex with? (Action: Wait for answer)

Some of you guys have it backwards…Kim Kardashian didn’t get fucked by Ray J, she fucked him.

Dude…she made millions from having sex once…ONCE!

Punchline:

There are pornstars that have had sex everyday on camera for the past 15 years that still have to use 2 Can Dine for 6.99 coupons at McDonald’s…she made millions by having sex ONCE, and it wasn’t even in HD.(Results: hit at Naughty Nadz)

What’d Ray J get? That’s right: nobody cares.

Tag:

Some girls get STD’s when they have sex…what’d she get? A media fucking empire. …and I’m pretty sure Ray J doesn’t ejaculate fame and fortune….

well, I’m 99% percent sure he doesn’t…ejaculate..fame…and fortune…

Tag:

Take the number of women in here…….multiply that by the number of dicks they’ve sucked…we’re talking millions!

The closest they got to making millions was the money shot they took in face.

Tag:

I had sex the other day, and all I got was a long sigh of disappointment and a lifetime subscription to, ‘Feeling Inadequate Around Black Guys‘ magazine.’ (THANKS GREG FOR THE INSPIRATION ON THIS ONE!)

Kim Kardashian didn’t get fucked by Ray J. You know what she did? …She (Element: Audience Interaction |audience finishes sentence)

for those of you who are interested, here’s the old version of that joke

Kim Kardashian Didn’t Get Fucked; She Fucked Them

Premise: Who here thinks Kim Kardashian is a whore? (shake head) Kim Kardashian isn’t the whore. People say that Ray J fucked her. Nah….you’re wrong….she fucked him.

Punchline: Hear me out. Name me the last Ray J song? Tell me how much Ray J made last year? That’s right: nobody knows, and nobody gives a fuck. Tell me I’m wrong. TELL me I’m wrong!

Tag: Now tell me about Kim Kardashian. There’s fifty people in here that know about her. There’s fifty people in here that saw her on TV today. There’s fifty people in here that have her on their Twitter. Ray J didn’t fuck her; she fucked him. She’s famous…where’s Ray J?? He’s still buying wife beaters at wal-mart in comparison.

Sub-premise: People call Kim Kardashian a whore. She’s not a whore. The media’s a whore. Why? She keeps putting out garbage and they keep paying her to take it off her lawn.

Punchline: Hey? Whaddaya wanna do today? Get married? Sure. They’ll buy that…and I’ll make millions.

Tag: Whaddaya wanna do today? Make fun of my sister? Sure! Now not only will I get paid, but now I have an empire where my entire family is getting paid by the media…the media didn’t fuck her…SHE FUCKED THE MEDIA.

Sub-Premise: People critize her because she’s popular because of nothing…me, I think that’s FANTASTIC…

Punchline:: Kim! Teach me your secrets! Kim…what do I gotta do? Do I need to be a mason? Fuck it, I already have a Staedtler protractor that came in the shit ruler kit with the clear plastic case…what do I do next?

Tag: Dude, I went to the University of Toronto and got a Business Degree with an 85% average…I’m sitting in front of my computer day in, day out, day in, day out, hoping and praying and changing my religion just for the chance to get 1000 hits on my blog post…She drops a cashew nut and the picture of her walking away from said grain legume and Snap! 100,000 hits and an interview on ABC. U of t marketing professors should do a study on her called, ‘Popping Your #$%@#! To Fame and Fortune.’

Tag: Dude…and she had sex once…ONCE! There are pornstars that have had sex everyday on camera for the past 15 years that still have to use 2 Can Dine for 6.99 coupons at McDonald’s…she made millions by having sex ONCE…and it wasn’t even in HD.

Tag: Some girls get STD’s when they have sex…what’d she get? A media fucking empire. I had sex the other day, and all I got was a long sigh of disappointment and a lifetime subscription to, ‘Feeling Inadequate Around Black Guys‘ magazine.’ (THANKS GREG FOR THE INSPIRATION ON THIS ONE!)

Round of applause for Kim Kardashian. (drop the mic and walk off the stage lol)

Do You Want To Be A Clown or a Comedian?

Michael Jagdeo — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 23:02:00 +0000

UPDATE! Jump to: Kim Kardashian Didn’t Get Fucked; She Fucked Them

Toronto Clown vs. Toronto Comedian

Quinn C. Martin, arguably Toronto’s top comedian (he’s hilarious AND can sell out a room on his own), gave me some advice yesterday that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about.

I was telling him that I wasn’t getting consistent laughs from some of my smarter material (i.e. an indian girl not recognizing that the caste system actually went: Kshatrya, Brahmin, and at the very top, white people [Krishna help me if I used Gora/Gori]). I desperately wanted to keep it in my set. He said:

Michael: you’re a COMEDIAN, not a !@#$^$% clown.

Similarly, Big Boi (OutKast) said:

Everytime I rhyme for y’all, I’m lookin to prove a point.

Wowzers. That’s perhaps the best advice I’ve ever gotten. Do I want people rolling in the aisles with laughter? Yes. But it’s also important to me that I share my knowledge and unique ideas with my audience.

Besides, I think there’s a purple cow opportunity (Seth Godin) to bring forth intelligent comedy. Who else do you know that can liken Greek Sovereign Debt to tricking on bitches?

Memoirs of a Guysha

As weird as it might sound, I want to be like a comedic male Geisha, whereby I entertain the audience’s mind while making them laugh simultaneously.

So, here’s the idea that I’d like to make into a joke…

UPDATE: Kim Kardashian Didn’t Get Fucked; She Fucked Them

I’m writing this the day after I wrote, ‘Darwin’s Theory of Evolution, Veblen’s Conspicuous Consumption, and Kim Kardashian’ (next section). It’s given birth to the following joke, which I feel is an amazing rant/argument and – with a few more punchlines – can KILL. Hear me out:

Premise: Who here thinks Kim Kardashian is a whore? (shake head) Kim Kardashian isn’t the whore. People say that Ray J fucked her. Nah….you’re wrong….she fucked him.

Punchline: Hear me out. Name me the last Ray-J song? Tell me how much Ray-J made last year? That’s right: nobody knows, and nobody gives a fuck. Now tell me about Kim Kardashian. There’s fifty people in here that know about her. There’s fifty people in here that saw her on TV today. Ray J didn’t fuck her…continue reading here.

Now here’s where that idea came from…

Darwin’s Theory of Evolution, Veblen’s Conspicuous Consumption, and Kim Kardashian

Why Do We Give A Phoque?

I never understood why people followed celebrities. It made no sense to me. I could give a poop what Kim Kardashian had for breakfast.

But then I became an MMA Fanboy. I’d watch Nick Diaz eat cereal if the production values were right. But why? Why do we give a flying french-word-for-seal?

Required Reading

Darwin: Evolution is all about survival. The strongest species survives.

Veblen: We recognize prowess (excellence) in a species by noting the evidence thereof. For example, back in the day, the best male in the tribe would be recognized by the amount of fur that adorned his crib. The fur served as evidence that he was the fastest, strongest, and most skilled hunter in the tribe. Furthermore, it impressed the ‘ooman dem because a man skilled in hunting could feed her and her family (thus helping her continue her version of the species).

So how does this help us understand why we are addicted to celebrity news?

They Symbolize Success

It can be argued that celebrities are the most successful humans (besides business people, of course). And what do we want as onlookers? We want to be like them. We want to be the species that survives, too.

There’s a problem, though: We don’t have the prowess to become celebrities. So what do we do?

Conclusion

We imitate their actions and mimic their purchases so we can TRICK ourselves into believing we ARE them, that somehow through intercontinental osmosis we have their prowess, and therefore have the SAME chances at having our species survive as they do.

Damn, homie. That’s some science fo’ yo’ ass.

That’s me frantically trying to record my idea before the muse is gone.

Didn’t think I knew about Hindi music, didja? God Bless everyone who produced Hindi music before 1987…perhaps the most under-appreciated form of music EVER.

Michael Jagdeo
Follow @Jagdeocomedy

Anti-Jokes: How to Recover When A Joke Doesn’t Hit

Michael Jagdeo — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 16:42:20 +0000

Recovering using Anti-Jokes

I first discussed the idea of anti-jokes in Lesson Learned #4 of the Groove Bar experience. I saw professional comedians getting great laughs by making fun of the fact that their jokes DIDN’T hit.

Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline. – Anti-joke.com

‘Now that’s power’ I thought. If I can keep the laughter going, even when people don’t find something funny, I can still have a good set.

An Example: Canadian Legend Mike Wilmot

Joke: 2:20 – 3:10 | Anti-joke: 3:11 – 4:21

Was I laughing at the end of the bear joke? Nope. But I was at the end of the Michael Jackson conclusion (3:56-4:20).

My first foray Into Anti-joking

I have a line that goes, ‘So I gotta work out…you guys know Extreme Fitness?’ Usually, a few people in the audience will say yes and lament their disapproval of said gym. This time, however, I got ZERO response. Neon Pencils (yikes)! This is how I continued:

It’s not anything spectacular, I know, but what the anti-joking device did in this case was to fill the vacuum with laughter, allowing me to proceed to my next point.

Lesson Learned: Awareness / Opportunities for Audience Interaction = Good to Great

I’ve continuously been searching for the ingredients that make up a KILLER five-minute set. Great jokes? Yes. Timing? Yes. Audience Engagement? Yes. Comfort on stage? Yes. Confidence? Yes.

But I think I’ve been artificially constraining this challenge. I’ve been looking at killing in terms of what I need to do independently from an audience.

Instead, the answer might lie in what I need to do WITH an audience. The audience themselves are, in fact, another ingredient in the creation of a killer set. I’ll work with the audience by:

Becoming more comfortable on stage

Heightening my AWARENESS on stage in the Buddhist-sense of the word

Injecting rhetoric and other audience-interaction devices into my premises/punchlines/tags

In other words, I’ll be able to joke with an audience whilst I traverse my material. It’s that, ‘shared experience‘ that audiences really respond to.

(Stolenowners rock, but should stick to r…I’ve said too much.)

Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, bitches,

Michael Jagdeo

Follow @Jagdeocomedy

Diary of a Toronto Stand-Up Comedian

How I Prepared For My Performance At The Hard Rock Cafe

What Goes Into A Great Set?

After doing a set for RogersTV’s Toronto’s Talent, Quinn C. Martin (the show’s host) put me on his show, ‘Two and a Half Quinn‘ at the Hard Rock Cafe. Big tings a gwaan 2012.

What Set Am I Going To Do?

My initial reaction was to perfect the bits that did well for RogersTV, which were: Manboobs White People Love Cottages Why Are White Girls are Angry? However, from a marketing perspective, I wanted to do something different. Why?

Developing a Video Press Kit

Honing the Kim Kardashian Bit

Insights from Meditation

Rehearsing at Home

The Power of Visualization

Entrance

Getting The Juices Flowing

Moments before I Step On Stage

People that tweet too much – Part 1

People that Tweet Too Goddamn Much – Feb 21 1:32AM

High Cost of Higher Education

This continues a series of theses that I want to convert into stand-up comedy routines….

Tuition Fees: It’s not Always the School’s fault

Is Jay-Z In the Illuminati?

Comedy With A Point

Black Artists and the Illuminati

Illuminati Allegations Are Bullshit

It’s disgusting. By simply uttering the words, ‘He sold out’ people are invalidating Jay-Z’s library of platinum singles and records. You’re ignoring the blood, sweat, and tears these artists put in to carve out a niche for themselves.

Why Are People So Eager To Hate Them?

Comedian Applies Lessons From Gilson Lubin and Quinn C. Martin

It’s been a long time since I last posted…and there’s a reason for that. All will be revealed…TV *cough* Show *cough*…

How To Handle A Tough Crowd?

Giving Up

Engaging An Audience – Gilson Lubin

How I engaged the Audience

Giving Them Permission to Laugh – Quinn C. Martin

Moving Forward

The great thing about Saturday night was that, for the first time, I was. That’s not a typo. What I mean by that is that I was in the moment. I was present. I recognized that there was life in every breath. Buddhism, homies…Buddhism. Michael Jagdeo

Toronto Comedian Becomes Stronger By Bombing at Naughty Nadz

Recently, I’ve been working on a Kim Kardashian bit. Last night, I had my chance to try it out.

Toronto Comedian Becomes Stronger By Bombing at Naughty Nadz

The Benefits Of Bombing On Stage

Reviewing My Recorded Set

Kim Kardashian Fucked them…now you want to Boycott her?

Premise:

I was doing a search on Kim Kardashian the other day and I came across a site called BoycottKim.com…I guess they hated her. Question for you guys…do we like Kim Kardashian? Yes? No? Why? (Element: Audience interaction | Results: Kept audience engage at Naughty Nads)

Punchline:

The major criticism is that’s she’s gotten a lot from doing very little. (Action: delivered matter-of-factly + nod head) ….am I the only one that finds that….IMPRESSIVE!? (Action: stop nodding + turn head | Element: Misdirection)

Tag:

I’ve been trying to do a lot with a little for 28 years…it’s hard…no really it’s hard; that’s the problem! (Action: point to crotch | Results: Hit Naughty Nadz | Element: Misdirection)

How Does Kim Kardashian Get So Much Attention?

Premise:

I have a blog, and for a thousand hits a day, I’d change my religion.

Punchline:

You know she gets a million hits? (Wait for answer) No, for that she’d get 20 million hits. (Element: Audience Interaction) Let me tell you something: she could drop a cashew nut on the ground and the CASHEW would get a 500K followers on Twitter the very next day.

Tag:

And if it played it’s card right, It might even get nominated for, ‘Legume of the year.’ Unbelievable. (If heckled, ‘Cashew is not a legume.’ Listen kumkwat: I’ll show you two legumes after the show.)

Tag:

U of t marketing professors should do a study on her called, ‘Popping Your #$%@#! To Fame and Fortune.’

Kim Kardashian Made Millions from Having Sex ONCE

Premise:

Who’s the guy she had sex with? (Action: Wait for answer) Some of you guys have it backwards…Kim Kardashian didn’t get fucked by Ray J, she fucked him. Dude…she made millions from having sex once…ONCE!

Punchline:

There are pornstars that have had sex everyday on camera for the past 15 years that still have to use 2 Can Dine for 6.99 coupons at McDonald’s…she made millions by having sex ONCE, and it wasn’t even in HD.(Results: hit at Naughty Nadz) What’d Ray J get? That’s right: nobody cares.

Tag:

Some girls get STD’s when they have sex…what’d she get? A media fucking empire. …and I’m pretty sure Ray J doesn’t ejaculate fame and fortune…. well, I’m 99% percent sure he doesn’t…ejaculate..fame…and fortune…

Tag:

Take the number of women in here…….multiply that by the number of dicks they’ve sucked…we’re talking millions! The closest they got to making millions was the money shot they took in face.

Tag:

Comedian Admits To Getting Help With His Material

Getting Help To Write Jokes

Getting Help on the Kardashian Bit

How Many Girls Are In Here?

Make Fun Of Yourself, Too

Moving forward

Kim Kardashian Didn’t Get Fucked; She Fucked Them

Kim Kardashian Fucked them…now you want to Boycott her?

Premise:

I was doing a search on Kim Kardashian the other day and I came across a site called BoycottKim.com…I guess they hated her. Question for you guys…do we like Kim Kardashian? Yes? No? Why? (Element: Audience interaction | Results: Kept audience engage at Naughty Nads)

Punchline:

The major criticism is that’s she’s gotten a lot from doing very little. (Action: delivered matter-of-factly + nod head) ….am I the only one that finds that….IMPRESSIVE!? (Action: stop nodding + turn head | Element: Misdirection)

Tag:

I’ve been trying to do a lot with a little for 28 years…it’s hard…no really it’s hard; that’s the problem! (Action: point to crotch | Results: Hit Naughty Nadz | Element: Misdirection)

How Does Kim Kardashian Get So Much Attention?

After doing a set for RogersTV’s Toronto’s Talent, Quinn C. Martin (the show’s host) put me on his show, ‘Two and a Half Quinn‘ at the Hard Rock Cafe.

Big tings a gwaan 2012.

My initial reaction was to perfect the bits that did well for RogersTV, which were:

Manboobs

White People Love Cottages

Why Are White Girls are Angry?

However, from a marketing perspective, I wanted to do something different. Why?

It’s been a long time since I last posted…and there’s a reason for that. All will be revealed…TV cough Show cough…

The great thing about Saturday night was that, for the first time, I was. That’s not a typo.

What I mean by that is that I was in the moment. I was present. I recognized that there was life in every breath.

Buddhism, homies…Buddhism.

Michael Jagdeo

I was doing a search on Kim Kardashian the other day and I came across a site called BoycottKim.com…I guess they hated her.

Question for you guys…do we like Kim Kardashian? Yes? No? Why? (Element: Audience interaction | Results: Kept audience engage at Naughty Nads)

The major criticism is that’s she’s gotten a lot from doing very little. (Action: delivered matter-of-factly + nod head)

….am I the only one that finds that….IMPRESSIVE!? (Action: stop nodding + turn head | Element: Misdirection)

You know she gets a million hits? (Wait for answer) No, for that she’d get 20 million hits. (Element: Audience Interaction)

Let me tell you something: she could drop a cashew nut on the ground and the CASHEW would get a 500K followers on Twitter the very next day.

And if it played it’s card right, It might even get nominated for, ‘Legume of the year.’ Unbelievable.

(If heckled, ‘Cashew is not a legume.’ Listen kumkwat: I’ll show you two legumes after the show.)

Who’s the guy she had sex with? (Action: Wait for answer)

Some of you guys have it backwards…Kim Kardashian didn’t get fucked by Ray J, she fucked him.

Dude…she made millions from having sex once…ONCE!

There are pornstars that have had sex everyday on camera for the past 15 years that still have to use 2 Can Dine for 6.99 coupons at McDonald’s…she made millions by having sex ONCE, and it wasn’t even in HD.(Results: hit at Naughty Nadz)

What’d Ray J get? That’s right: nobody cares.

Some girls get STD’s when they have sex…what’d she get? A media fucking empire. …and I’m pretty sure Ray J doesn’t ejaculate fame and fortune….

well, I’m 99% percent sure he doesn’t…ejaculate..fame…and fortune…

Take the number of women in here…….multiply that by the number of dicks they’ve sucked…we’re talking millions!

The closest they got to making millions was the money shot they took in face.

I was doing a search on Kim Kardashian the other day and I came across a site called BoycottKim.com…I guess they hated her.

Question for you guys…do we like Kim Kardashian? Yes? No? Why? (Element: Audience interaction | Results: Kept audience engage at Naughty Nads)

The major criticism is that’s she’s gotten a lot from doing very little. (Action: delivered matter-of-factly + nod head)

….am I the only one that finds that….IMPRESSIVE!? (Action: stop nodding + turn head | Element: Misdirection)

You know she gets a million hits? (Wait for answer) No, for that she’d get 20 million hits. (Element: Audience Interaction)

Let me tell you something: she could drop a cashew nut on the ground and the CASHEW would get a 500K followers on Twitter the very next day.

And if it played it’s card right, It might even get nominated for, ‘Legume of the year.’ Unbelievable.

(If heckled, ‘Cashew is not a legume.’ Listen kumkwat: I’ll show you two legumes after the show.)

Who’s the guy she had sex with? (Action: Wait for answer)

Some of you guys have it backwards…Kim Kardashian didn’t get fucked by Ray J, she fucked him.

Dude…she made millions from having sex once…ONCE!

There are pornstars that have had sex everyday on camera for the past 15 years that still have to use 2 Can Dine for 6.99 coupons at McDonald’s…she made millions by having sex ONCE, and it wasn’t even in HD.(Results: hit at Naughty Nadz)

What’d Ray J get? That’s right: nobody cares.

Some girls get STD’s when they have sex…what’d she get? A media fucking empire. …and I’m pretty sure Ray J doesn’t ejaculate fame and fortune….

well, I’m 99% percent sure he doesn’t…ejaculate..fame…and fortune…

Take the number of women in here…….multiply that by the number of dicks they’ve sucked…we’re talking millions!

The closest they got to making millions was the money shot they took in face.

As weird as it might sound, I want to be like a comedic male Geisha, whereby I entertain the audience’s mind while making them laugh simultaneously.

So, here’s the idea that I’d like to make into a joke…