This is a continuation of Laugh Sabbath Review Part 2 (click here for Laugh Sabbath Review – Part 1), which describes my experience at the stand up comedy show Laugh Sabbath held at Rivoli (332 Queen Street West, Toronto, ON). At the end of the last post, I thought it might be fun to write a new five-minute set that I think would have worked with the crowd that was at Laugh Sabbath on October 16th, 2011.
I made the set into a quick youtube video (a transcript of the set follows thereafter). I apologize if the delivery isn’t on point; I literally recorded the audio seconds after penning the bits. Enjoy!
To the guy before the intermission (Mark Little), I gotta ask ya, what was it like to have a Egon Spengler as father? I can imagine having a ghostbuster as a father has its perks. You could totally give the middle finger to any ghosts you saw at they’d have to ‘reckonize.’
To the short girl (Katie Crown) that came on after the intermission, you got that ‘Tina Fey at home on the weekend’ look to ya. It’s hot, keep it up.
I should apologize to you all right off the bat…I didn’t realize that it’s a tight jeans and plaid only affair tonight. That wasn’t mentioned in the Now Magazine bulletin whatsoever.
Round of applause for the organizers of tonight’s show! How did you do it? How did you keep all of the minorities away? It feels like Extended French in grade seven all over again. Was it the $5.00 dollar cover? Was it the drinks over four dollars? Whatever it is, keep doing what you’re doing. This is great because with the blacks, we can make all of the racist jokes we want…we have black joke impunity tonight…and that’s great because there’s a few things I’d like to get off my chest…black teenage pregnancy…
I know what you’re thinking looking at me…’one of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn’t belong.’
I can tell that tonght’s gonna be a long night because all I have are reggae jokes…yeah… This looks like more like a documentary crowd…
Courting White Women Part I
Hey white girls, question for ya: do you like all your guys in tight jeans? Bc I see the white guys ur with wearing them. And where I come from, guys don’t wear right jeans. So my question is this…let’s say I wanted to court one of you fine white ladies in all of your. your caramel skirts and purple blouses with old school black shoes with buckles and your frumpy hattèd splendor, would I too have to wear the aforementioned tight jeans? Because Im not so sure that it worth it. Or is it that good?
Hipster Nad Waterboarding
And guys, why treat ur nuts so bad? The nuts weren’t meant to be one up here and one down there. What you have down there is a miniature paper bag from a grocery store and you bought chunky soup and a mini cucumber. And your balls are at a 45 degree angle from one another, and that’s not natural. Nature makes no mistakes, and your boys meant them to hang parallel,
Courting White Women Part II
Back to you white ladies…is the plaid a prerequisite in a guy? Bc the clothes my mom bought me when I was 10 don’t fit me anymore, and I don’t live close to an H&M. Oh modern white girl, I know I’m just a minority but I can be the guy that you show off to your friends to show them that you’re more hipster than they are? If we were in the seventies, I could’ve been your black guy. That’s what I could be, the modern black guy. Albeit, sans the uh, you know, black guy perks…
All White People Have Cottages
The host joked about 2% owning everything and us being the 98%. But don’t feel bad…b/c to me, you’re the 2% and I’m 98%, so sleep easier tonight…it could be worse…
I know that because this looks like a cottage crowd. You all have cottages, don’t you? When i was a kid, we lived in a basement. And, it floored me because when I was a kid my white friends would always talk about going away. I’d ask them, what are you guys doing this weekend?’ And they’d go, ‘We’re going to the cottage.’ I’m like, what’s that? ‘It’s like a place we go up north, we have to drive for 2 hours. I’m like huh? Yeah, it’s like a small house we have and we bbq and go swimming. And my mind could not COMPREHEND the idea that my friend has ANOTHER HOUSE. First of all, you guys have a house, you guys live ABOVE THE EARTH, which is so lucky you have no idea, because I was in a basement. And so now what you’re telling me is that you have another above the earth living structure. WHAAAT? It’s a SEPARATE STRUCTURE. I didn’t understand it. Blew my wee mind…
A lot of white people are complaining that they have to sell the cottage, and some married couples are moving back in with the parents and whining about it…you know what that sounds like to me? That sounds like Tuesday. Two families to a home is not that bad; get over it. Separation of task occurs when you have that number of people living in a home.
Thanks a bunch,