TTC Fare Hike: The New Drug Dealers in Town

Wire Fans: this one’s for you. The TTC is Toronto’s newest drug dealer. You know why? Because they could double the price to $6.00 and we’d still buy…we’re addicts, and they’re the only game in town. Jimmy suggested I do a bit on the TTC, so here goes…(BTW, for my out of towners, the TTC is Toronto’s bus/subway system.)

Drug Dealers

I’ve never smoked crack, but I’m pretty sure that if the price of cocaine doubled, crackheads would still be out there, trying to score a 4-ball instead of an 8-ball.

Do you really think that if the TTC fare was $6, people would leave? They might get pissed for awhile, but then they’d be back at the bus shelter, begging the driver to let them on:

TTC Beggar: C’mon man…I’m just trying to get to Eaton Centre.
Driver: Six Dollars.
TTC Beggar: C’mon man all I got is Five Fitty…it was three dollas two days ago!
TTC Driver: Six Dollars or get the fuz outta here, junky-ass muh-fuzzah……
TTC Beggar: C’mon man…take dis five fitty and I’ll suck yo

It would be the Toronto version of The Wire.

 

We’d be Bubbles

Bubbles from The Wire

Bubbles from The Wire

We’d all be Bubbles, shivering in the December cold, scratching our necks, lips chapped, trying to keep our hands warm, hoping to hear the bus come by with it’s megaphone blaring, ‘Got that WMD! Got that TTC!’

 

Counterfeit Tokens

And I’m sure that people would try and counterfeit the tokens like Johnny tried to counterfeit the $20 for a two and two. But Drug Dealer TTC would whoop some ass Bodie and Poot-style…

Money Be Green,

Michael Jagdeo

PS: The Wire & Six Feet Under ruined all other television shows for me.


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About Michael Jagdeo

My name's Michael Jagdeo, and I refuse to write about myself in the third person. I'm a Comedian from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. In addition to honing my stand-up comedy act, I maintain this blog and write the weekly comedy article for blogTO.com.
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