Recently, with all of the work for the TV show, I’ve been neglecting my stand-up act.
But now I have to get my ish together, because on April 5th I’m doing another show at the Hard Rock Cafe with Quinn C. Martin. I
have to get to do a five-minute set. I have a few ideas right now, but really want to focus on my, ‘People That Tweet Too Much‘ premise.
How I Got Stuck In Development Hell
In television, film, and music, projects often get stuck in what’s called, ‘development hell’ where a project stalls in work-in-progress mode.
When I originally had the idea for People That Tweet Too Much, a flood of ideas came forth. However, when more and more ideas came, my premise changed.
I realized that I was in development hell for a few reasons:
- I got bored of the premise.
- I didn’t feel like working on it.
- Whenever I sat down to the task of organizing my thoughts, I’d get frustrated and leave it.
But now I see a light at the end of the tunnel…
How I’m Digging Myself Out of Development Hell
I’ve realized that while People That Tweet Too Much is a good start, but it wasn’t the starting point. It wasn’t the root I really wanted to express.
What I really wanted to say was that we all had the need to express ourselves, but sometimes chose the wrong medium in which to let our voice be heard, with dire consequences for both communicator and audience alike. People that tweet too much do so because they are attention whores – as we all are – and just want to feel like they are being heard.
Now, with a major premise under which I can organize and prioritize my sub-premises, I can begin anew.
So here you have it, the second draft. For the most part, it’s just a rant right now. But I’m aware of the fact that my Kim Kardashian bit started off has a rant rooted in Darwin and Veblen, so I’m not worried. The next step is to record myself saying this bit, and listen to the recording twenty times, coming up with the jokes themselves. Then, off to find a mic!
But first, a little song-break for your weary eyes and ears (and heart):
People That Tweet Too Much We All Have A Need To Express Ourselves
Major premise: We all have a need to express ourselves. There are many ways that people can express themselves, i.e. song, dance, sport, and others write books.
Sub-Premise: Here’s the problem: when people are really great at one thing, they usually suck at everything else.
- We’re all good at a few things…i.e.
- what was michael jordan good at? basketball. So you know what he did all day? basket fucking ball.
- what was michael jackson good at? (wait for audience) Raping kids – exactly…he expressed himself all over their little faces.
- …but do you see what I’m getting at?
Sub-Premise: For the most part, they stuck to what they were good at. Disaster strikes when we don’t do what we’re good at, for example:
- Baton Twirler
- You might be able to twirl a baton like a motherfucker, and I might even watch a video if your dressed in that one piece bathing suit,
- The problem is, we’ve given this girl twitter and facebook. So what does she do? She can’t twirl a baton on Facebook…so now she just posts a bunch of shit on my News Feed.
- Now I have to hear about your dance practice, about how you hate bitches that don’t get off the mat when it’s your turn, about how your coach is staring at your ass…
- look: stick to what you’re good at…twirl the fuck outta that baton and post a video in that canadian flag swimsuit…please, more videos of sexy gymnasts.
- I love michael jordan, but he sucked at baseball.
- Michael Jackson suck at…uh…surgery.
- When models are about to walk down the catwalk, what do you think they tell them in the back?
- If you’re a model, there’s a good chance that you were designed by God to be SEEN, not heard
- You know what models are told before they walk onto the catwalk? Bitch, don’t fall, and whatever you do, don’t forget…shut the fuck up.
- You don’t see models walking down the catwalk talking
- and that’s ok
- because they specialize in excelling visually, not intellectually
- if you’re beautiful, fantastic!
- Shut up, and…appear, i dunno
Sub-Premise: I believe we are all attention whores. can we at least agree on that? We all want to express ourselves, and the next big need is to have people listen to us express ourselves. Here’s the problem with that: most people don’t have anything good to say.
it’s always things like
- Can we all agree that the people that tweet more than 8x per hour need to shut the fuck up? Unless you’re cnn, you ain’t got that much important shit to say.
- once came across this girl that had 30k tweets
- unless you’re cnn, there’s a problem here
- see the problem with twitter is that it was meant for important people to say shit
- problem is, now everyone has access
- everyone has the ability to broadcast messages
- problem with that? not everyone was meant to be heard
- not everyone has something to say
- so what happens? people that didn’t have something to say just say it because they want to feel important
- we all want to be heard
- these people tweeting 5x an hour
- unless you’re odysseus on a quest to get home and you’re fucking bitches and navigating scylla and charybdis bitch you ain’t got shit to say
…these tweets seem diametrically opposed, don’t they?
- 57m ago – searching for a job..
- 52m ago – gotta clean my room
- 45m ago – smh chris brown
- 40m ago – getting this paper
- You ain’t getting paper if you’re unemployed and job searching.
- at the most, you are planning on entering a vocation in which you can receive paper
- you’re searching for an opportunity that will allow you to get paid net after taxes biweekly – that’s not hustling
- when Jay-Z talks about getting paper, he didn’t have to factor in CPP and EI and EHT and SHP and SVP to figure out what he’d take home
Sub-Premise: People want to be popular, and how do they go about it? They beg celebrities for retweets. Have you seen this?
- these people that are begging for RT’s
- let’s understand why you want to be rt’d
- you want people to follow you
- and how do you go about getting folllwers?
- create something? do something interesting/remarkable?
- you ask someone who’s done something with their lives to mention you
- why don’t you don’t something remarkable so that people remark about it
- why don’t you try doing that?
- instead of tugging at their coattails and asking them, hey, can you mention my name?
- why don’t you do something special yourself, dance if you dance, sing if you sing, suck dick if you suck dick…
- just do something instead of begging to be famous for a hot second
Sub-Premise: Here’s another way people show themselves to be attention whores – Team followback
- People that track who unfollowed them – just because people don’t want to listen you, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t want to listen to them…
- if you like Jay-Z’s tweets, but Jay-Z doesn’t like your tweets about the muffins that you burnt, does that mean you don’t like Jay-Z’s tweets anymore? No, you fucking idiot. This isn’t kindergarten where Jay Z isn’t allowing you to play. develop this