I thought about not publishing this post, but fuck it…a diary that leaves out the struggles is not a diary at all.
About a month ago, I slipped back into depression. I didn’t go on stage, started ignoring friends, and stopped working out. As many of you know, it’s not the first time (and probably not the last time) that I’ve struggled with depression.
As I slowly emerged out of my hole, my immediate instinct was to get back to work as feverishly as I could. However, I remembered something that stopped me in my tracks.
Pain is an Invitation
From Rodney Smith’s Stepping out of Self-Deception:
We would like to think that we could leave all the pain aside and go directly to the payoff of interconnectedness [butchered translation = happiness], but for most of us that is not the case….One of the hardest lessons on any spiritual path is to understand that interconnection comes from the wisdom discovered through exposure to our pain, not in turning away from it.
I realized that it wasn’t enough to have survived the relapse. I needed to do a post-mortem so that I could proactively manage my mood in the future.
Will I feel depressed again? Sure. But now I think I have a model that I can use to change how I feel, rather than completely shutting down for almost a month.
On the bright side, there is one thing that I didn’t stop doing during my depressed state: writing. I had my dancehall bit in the back of my mind the entire time, and every now and then would come up with new jokes to strengthen the set.
Tuesday, November 15th, 2016
Hey Jagdeo v(n-x),
Wow. You know that bit you’re working on, the Dancehall one? You don’t know this yet, but that dancehall joke is going to turn into an eight-minute set that will KILL. It’s going to be the best set you’ve ever had in your entire life.
Today, I start working on a five-minute version of the bit that I’m going to use for a taping of CUML (CanUMakemLaugh) for RogersTV on Tuesday.
We could all use some Hed Kandi every now and then,
Addendum: Handling Setbacks
Here’s some research I found via Quora about setbacks that I thought would add an interesting dimension to the challenge of handling setbacks effectively…could I be suffering from a fixed mindset?
|Stanford Department of Psychology professor Carol Dweck has done extensive research on what she calls “mindsets” and there are two primary types:
People with a growth mindset are more resilient to challenges related to their abilities and performance than those with a fixed mindset.
It will come as no surprise that the mindsets lead to different ways of coping with difficulty. Because in the fixed mindset, setbacks are seen as indicating a lack of ability, this mindset often leaves people few good ways of reacting to setbacks.
When the going gets rough, people in the growth framework not only take charge of improving their skills, they take charge of their motivation as well (cf. Grant, 2004). Despite setbacks—or even because of them—they find ways to keep themselves committed and interested. Instead, students with a fixed framework lose interest as they lose confidence. As the difficulty mounts, their commitment and enjoyment go down. Since all important endeavors involve setbacks sooner or later (more likely, sooner and later), it is a serious liability to lose interest and enjoyment just when you need greater effort.
Putting it all together, this means that a fixed mindset leads people to value looking good over learning, to disdain and to fear effort, and to abandon effective strategies just when they need them most. A growth mindset, on the other hand, leads people to seek challenges and learning, to value effort, and to persist effectively in the face of obstacles.