Never Meant to Publish This

Michael Before & After

Lol I’m so mean to myself sometimes, but goddamn that middle picture is hilarious…

This is a story about mystical experiences had whilst practising P90X Yo-gaahh… Not Yoguh, Yo-gaahh…

Copped collard greens; rolled it like tassa. Bissessar. In the old vitamin bottle. Took it with a yoga mat to the park in front of the water. Laiid mat down. Yoga blocka. Picked the lighter up; you know the route. Breathe In and out and in. Let’s do it again. In and out and in. Let’s do it again. In and out and in. Let’s do it again. etc. Cherry Popper, roach keeper, let’s save the rest. Yoga gwaanin. Head buggin. When bugs start buggin, I say fuck it. Roll up the mat; save second tassa. Bissessar. Cross the street. Cross the Street. Cross the Street. Into the yoga room; fly-ass condo. Laid the mat down. Yoga, Blocka. Yoga goin on. White ting working out in the lulu lemon nightclub selection. She checkin’ the kid, but I’m all up in the stretchin. I might have skipped a side once or twice, but my reverse triangle is really nice! I touch the ceiling, and I know we’re almost through. That’s it, we’re done. Now I can breathe, too. Come back upstairs. I earned rice and squash…and the bag of all-dressed…

I left one thing out. On the walk back, I couldn’t help but keep repeating with unblinking eyes, the following phrases:

  • I see how it is now.
  • Do they know who I am?!?
  • Don’t they know I am exceptional?!?

Over, and over, and over, and over, and over again.

[ ]

Fuck it I had to put a chune!

DO YOU HEAR THAT HI-HAT PATTERN AT 0:35?!?!

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About Michael Jagdeo

My name's Michael Jagdeo, and I refuse to write about myself in the third person. I'm a Comedian from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. In addition to honing my stand-up comedy act, I maintain this blog and write the weekly comedy article for blogTO.com.
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