REPORT: Trudeau’s Background in Economics

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Carry the Torch

leading by example

Life is good. I wouldn’t want to be anyone else but who I am right now, right at this moment, faults and all.

I’ve changed my body. I’ve changed my mind. I have the ability to create the life that I want.

I’ve decided to carry the torch. I’ve written a book on creativity that I’m currently beta testing. I’ll be securing an Editor very soon (Update 01.13.17: Editor secured).

Work is going well. 🙂 I’ve decided to accept the fact that I know what I’m talking about. What can I say? I’ve read a lot. A LOT. And I’ve used what I’ve read to change my life. I’ve used what I’ve read to help change the lives of others.

True say, this blog was really a precursor of the book. Huh. The way things are connected, eh? Peaks and valleys. Peaks and valleys are connected.

If you’re overweight, know that you can change. Know that it will be tough, and you will fail many times before finally succeeding. Know too that bad food tastes goddamn great, and there’s no shame in admitting your addiction. Glucose, nicotine, crispy salty chicken skin; these are all enjoyed best when in excess. I’ve been there, and although I didn’t realize how much it hurt until the pain stopped if that makes any sense, I had a fucking great time overeating. A GREAT TIME. Chinese food followed by $20 corner store runs so you can lay in bed all weekend watching DVDs only to call in sick Monday and you get the idea. Savagery. My order was a big mac meal, mcchicken on the side, cheeseburger for the drive back to the office. Enjoy yourself. Be a Savage. Say Sav everytime you’re a savage if you want to. Then start saying Sav when you do the things you’re supposed to do. Anchor that shit. Add some left brain to that right. Condition success. Dead poets! (nvm on that last one fam bloor and lansdowne tings yah dun kno fam 1-2-3 Dead poets!)

Huh. You can change your life. Interesting. Very interesting. You can actually change the life you are having if it’s not working for you.

That said, I don’t blame people for not changing. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.

seneca

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I like doing lots of stuff

aug-14 aug-5

 

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Thoughts on Survival

Life’s funny.

I spent the last ten years pretty devastated emotionally, though I didn’t really show it in real life. I imagine most people saw me as a happy person, and that’s because I was afraid of being not happy around people. I guess perhaps because I didn’t love myself, I searched for it in others, and it caused me to be overly nice even when I wasn’t being treated well.

I used to complain about people – a lot. I used to complain that they did this to me, they did that to me, they were bad people because of xyz, but people are people, and I was playing the victim. I’m not going to be a victim anymore. I am responsible for my life, and I’m responsible for what happens to me.

Now, responsibility is a scary thing for someone who’s chosen to give it up to others for so long. Sometimes it feels like being in the middle of the ocean without a life preserver, responsibility. Like you’re out here, all alone, a pawn subject to the whims of a tumultuous chessboard. And with everything changing so fast in the world, it can be a scary place, even for someone like me who understands technology and can always get a job doing something techy.

I won’t lie: I worry about taking care of myself. I worry about the future. But I also realize that those worries are a result of who I was, not who I am. I’m projecting what my future will be like based on who I was before, and that’s like looking at yesterday’s news to find out what’s going to happen tomorrow (Stephens). Tomorrow WILL NOT be like yesterday, because that person doesn’t exist anymore.

The interesting thing about life is that I don’t know how I could have gotten here without being there, ya know? Like, being depressed, having anxiety, getting the head tumor removed, everything – it all lead here…so how could it be bad? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve had friends who have committed suicide, so I’m not naive as to the dire consequences depression can hold, especially paired with substance abuse, but my life is my life – all of it.

All of it. All of it is my life. This is not reality television. This is not Facebook. Peaks and Valleys, homie. Peaks and Valleys.

But just because life has peaks and valleys, doesn’t mean we can’t cultivate a part of ourselves that is detached from it all. That sees it all for what it is. The world sighs to me in a long rhythm, bringing me the peace and indifference of immortal things (Camus). Whatever happens in this life, as Mike, is mostly NOT real life. Real life is my relationship to myself, and my relationship with the world.

I used to be afraid of the world. I guess in a lot of ways, I still am, but it’s not going to stop me like it used to. I’m not saying I have it all figured out, but I’m a strong muthafucka, and I’ve been through some shit, lemme tell ya. I’m thankful for the chance to have another go at it, and you know what? My bet is that things turn out different this time around.

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Hello Again

Dear Diary,

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Confession time: I took you offline because I was embarrassed of you. I was embarrassed that I had the thoughts that I had.

But fuck it – those were my thoughts, and I’ve come to realize that as twisted as some of those thoughts might have been, and as hurtful as my thoughts might have been to the people closest to me, that those thoughts were simply products of a limited awareness.

So, I don’t know if I’ll write in here again, but I thought I’d let those who might still wonder what the fuck happened to that dude, know what the fuck happened to that dude.

Jagdeo

PS – Stand-up is going fucking amazing.

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